The Notorious Clench Of Professional Brits – Picket Line Party Track 5

April 23, 2011 by cosmoakacitizensmith


As a Scottish-Hungarian Mockney ex-aristocrat, one considers even spending time with the middle classes as “slumming it.” Nevertheless, one has always identified with the proles as fellow inheritors of social misfortune. And indeed, one has always looked forward to the glorious day when the wondrous experiment in levelling society’s body politik, (a.k.a “the Revolution”), will fully realise the chippy spite I possess at my social fall from grace. If I can’t live in a castle, no-one’s living in a f@cking castle, and all that.

And yet, does one not hear the entrance of a new cadence, a bejewelled theme that brings us something new, and yet old – timeless, indeed, in it absoluteness? One awoke this morning verily with a sense of joy and wonder at the magnificence of the British ruling classes! Please, bear with me while I explain.

As a child, my dear father used to take one on his knee and tell one an ancient Hungarian proverb, which ran thus: “Son, you can hold a piece of shit in your hand, and look at it from one end or the other, but either way, it’s still shit.” This poignant morsel of Central European wisdom encapsulates, one feels, the dilemma the British face about  the referendum on AV,  the alternative voting system.

Sure, our ruling classes will find new ways of shafting us if we get AV. In other words, to change or to not change – it’s all still “shit,” as it were. But potentially  AV could make life difficult for the Tories, terminating forever their dominance of the UK political scene for the last 100 or so years. Verily indeed, if the coalition parties take a battering in the council elections, then they may end up  having to think twice about these dreadful cuts they are attempting to impose.

So – and here, my good reader, is the triple genius of it all! – what better time to have the referendum and election! Slap bang in the middle of a Royal wedding, St. George’s Day and a new bank holiday in an already bank holiday-ridden month of May!!! And while they’re at it,  they can even turn their attention to stopping May Day as a day of international workers’ solidarity and having a St George’s Day holiday instead!

In a month of full-blown patriotism and celebration, who’s going to give two shakes about changes to the voting system, or a creeping nationalist takeover? And those that do vote will vote for tradition, dammit, it’s what made us great!

This, gentle reader, shows how the British ruling classes have survived so long, and how they will continue to endure come hell, high water, socialism or Princess Di. One really has to gawk in amazement at how wondrous their curmudgeonly magic is. Gadzooks, they have been at it for a long time. It is almost….divine in its apprehension!

And after all those tedious debates as to what it is to be British in the 21st century that characterised the despised NuLabour years, it is good to see that it means what it’s always meant: Queen and country, and a good old tweak on the nose for Johnny Foreigner.

For England and St. George! God Save the Queen! Enjoy the Royal Wedding! You twats!

The Notorious Clench Of Professional Brits

(To listen to the track, click below and press the play button. To download it, click on the arrow pointing down on the right bit of the thingy below. To share it on Facebook etc, get the embed code by clicking on the icon on the right bit of the thingy below).

You’ll find us in high places

But we are not your friends

We use you and abuse you

All for our own twisted ends

You think that it’s your country

It’s ours, you silly twits!

We’re the notorious, happy and glorious

Clench of Professional Brits

You’ll find us in the Media

And in the House of Lords

The Church, the Army, Civil Service,

Chairmen of the Boards

We landowners, we’re aristos

And your face doesn’t fit

We’re the notorious, happy and glorious

Clench of Professional Brits

Our celebrity minions

Wrap up in the flag

But they don’t have the breeding

And they’re really quite a drag

Sports people, musicians

They all do it too

Who d’you think we’re fooling

Is it YOU?

We love the ruling business

It really is a breeze

We’d gladly sell your interests out

To our mates overseas

Corporations, bankers,

Communists, too

Who d’you think we’re fooling

Is it YOU?

So come on all you masses

You’ve got to know your place

And learn to accept your lot

With deference and grace

It hasn’t really changed that much

Since 1066

We’re the notorious, happy and glorious

Clench of Professional Brits

We’re the notorious, happy and glorious

Clench of Professional Brits

We’re the notorious, happy and glorious

Clench of Professional Brits!


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