Panic over! Al’s gonna sort it all out!

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June 10, 2006 by cosmoakacitizensmith

Al Gore: the environment is THIS big. Probably…..

I was sitting eating my dinner the other night and what should come on the box? Something that made me drop my veggie bacon sarnie and splatter a load of Whole Earth ketchup over my fair trade dinner jacket.

Behold, there was Al Gore being interviewed by some boffin in glasses about the environment. It was so interesting I quote verbatim from what the once-ex future US President had to say:

All this stuff about us bollocksing up the environment is bang on. We’re f*cked, basically. BUT….I’ve got a cunning plan. I’m going to abolish government, nation states, money and religion. Henceforth, all people will organise themselves into self-governing co-operatives that will produce things according to human need rather than profit. All our energy requirements will be met via the sun, wind and water, thanks to some nifty technology I’ve blagged off the corporations. There will be no need for war or conflict as we will be living according to something we used to understand as divine will, but we now appreciate simply as brotherly and sisterly love for the universe, the planet and our fellow humans beings. I’m not standing for President, but vote for me and I’ll sort everything out. God bless America.

Butty down! Sandwich dropped! Ketchup everywhere!

I was so freaked out I turned off my plasma-screen TV and went and told my mum all about it. She said “Yes, dear,” and then told me to bugger off and tidy my room.

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