Colonel H. Blimp, (rtd)

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March 30, 2006 by cosmoakacitizensmith

The other day the Independent newspaper here in the UK invited readers to write in with their opinions about global warming and what should be done about it. This comes just at the time when the government is getting its knuckles wrapped for failing by a long margin to reduce CO2 emissions. So I took this as an opportunity to develop a few themes….

Sir, I am absolutely delighted that your publication is taking the idea of global warming seriously, and that you are welcoming contributions on this subject from the public. I am also equally delighted to have to opportunity to weigh in with my own points of view. Nevertheless, I find myself astonished at the criticism levied at governments, including our own, because in my opinion they are sans doubt on the right track as regards their approach to the problem.

Like it or not, we are sons and daughters of Great Britain, a country which has proud traditions of excellence in many arenas going back hundreds of years. The bedrock of our good name is founded on global free trade and its undisputed mastery. From ruling the waves in the past to allying ourselves with our cousins on the other side of the Atlantic who do so now, we have shown where our strengths and loyalties lie.

Our companies, both past and present, have for time immemorial engaged in the expropriation of people and resources from lesser countries, and we, the general public, are always more than happy to sit back and enjoy the fruits of their toil here in comfort and convenience at home. Any suggestion that we should limit our ecomomic growth, or, God forbid, allow any such countries the advantage of catching up with us in this area in order to avert environmental catastrophe, will simply not be tolerated by the vast majority of citizens here.

It is all very well to have such high-minded liberal discussions in our society, but the realities of the world are such that implementing such ideas is folly of the highest order. Indeed, it sounds to me to be socialism by the back door! Heavens above, have we not seen how such experiments in political fads have led Johnny Foreigner to mayhem and muddle? It is is not in our nature to bungle in this manner, and it is only right and proper that such talk should desist forthwith.

It is in fact no coincidence that these lesser countries that are due to suffer the worst effects of global warming are also those who have always born the brunt of our policies, and yet we hear very little in the way of concern here. Apart from, of course, the undignified hysteria whipped up by that moralising prig Geldof. And what did that achieve? The fact is we should not waste useful energy worrying. These countries are used to how we treat them, and it’s not as if we couldn’t do with a little hike in the temperature in these parts!

Furthermore, I view with concernation that our companies are doing so well in China. This is purely because those canny Chinese are leaving them well alone and letting them do what they need to do without throwing up the hindrances of workers’ rights, environmental protection and the free and democratic discussion thereof. However, unless we rise to the challenge here, we will be left behind. Nevertheless, it is gratifying to see that despite that other moralising prig Wilberforce’s best intentions, we can still employ people in the conditions of servitude that keep us in the standard of living to which we are accustomed.

I am therefore overjoyed to see that Mr. Blair has managed to convince the woolly-minded liberals amongst us that it was going to cut CO2 emissions whilst fully intending to do no such thing. Rather like the white lies over our Iraqi engagement, these are all necessary, if only to put you liberal-minded types off the scent by keeping you chattering away rather than acting on your convictions.

It is for these reasons that I welcome the implementation by successive British governments of policies designed to limit freedom of movement and the right to protest. I also fully support measures to put the vast majority of the population, (particularly those who engage in reading your publication), under mass surveillance. And finally, our continuing lack of commitment to our workforce and the environment and the firm implementation of economic growth at all costs must be applauded.

For pity’s sake, we are British! We should stand up and be proud, stop all this tittle-tattle, knuckle under and get on with it!

Col. H. Blimp, (rtd).


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